Scroll through the #FirstGenLatina hashtag on TikTok and you’ll find a community of young Latinas pushing back against gendered cultural expectations. Areisy Lopez, a Mexican American from California, said she was almost disowned by her parents for moving out for college. Leslie Olvera, who lost her mother at a young age, said she always felt like she had to put her family and everyone else’s needs above her own.
“I didn’t have an identity,” said Olvera, who created the “Your Latina Hermana” podcast to help Latinas break generational cycles. “I didn’t know what I wanted because everything was based on what I could provide and do for them.”
The social media trend captures how Latinas can feel pressured into becoming caretakers instead of pursuing higher education and putting themselves first — expectations tied to marianismo, or the feminine cultural ideals of self-sacrifice and passivity.
A 2019 Journal of Hispanic Higher Education study found that first-generation Latina students often feel guilty for prioritizing their own needs over their families to attend college. Rosean Moreno, the study’s author, said that when young Latinas involve their family in their education, they can mitigate feelings of guilt and feel empowered to pursue their goals.
“For a lot of them, [cultural expectations] just really did determine where they would go to school,” Moreno said. “It impacted their independence and how they saw the institutions that they can go to.”
To help more Latinas graduate from high school, enroll in college and earn a degree — 20% of Latina adults hold a bachelor’s degree or higher, compared to 47% of white women, according to the UCLA Latino Policy and Politics Institute — organizations like Con Mi Madre (Mothers and Daughters Raising Expectations) engage their mothers in every part of the process.
“Our programming lets girls know that they are independent young women, and there’s going to come a day where the moms have to just trust that they’re going to be good,” said Itzel Polanco, Con Mi Madre’s program director.
Since its creation in 1992, the organization has helped over 4,000 mothers and daughters and has held a 97% high school graduation rate, 75% college enrollment rate and a 93% college retention rate. Con Mi Madre also helps mothers and daughters build the communication and emotional skills they need to support their daughters’s higher education goals.
Esmerelda Aguilar, who graduated from the program, says Con Mi Madre went far beyond just pushing her to attend college — it also helped her believe in herself.
“It equipped me to boldly put myself out there and not be afraid to show the world that I am Latina and that I can have a place at this college campus, too,” Aguilar said.
Challenges for first-generation Latina students
Latina students face many challenges in deciding to go to and applying to college, as many do not have family members who have gone. Latinos are more likely to be first-generation college students than any other racial or ethnic group: More than 4 in 10 Latino students are the first in their family to attend college, according to the nonprofit organization Excelencia in Education.
Mireille Espinoza, 12, plans to be the first Latina in her family to pursue higher education. When she told her mother, Veridiana, that she wanted to move away for college, Veridiana assumed Mireille was eager to be away from her family. They fought about what her future would look like and why she would want to live miles away from home. Veridiana came from a large Mexican family where people rarely left home, so she believed it would be the same for her children.
It wasn’t until they joined Con Mi Madre, after being approached by a member at a middle-school event, that Mireille and Veridiana started to understand each other better. They attended a workshop on processing emotions, and Veridiana began to change her mind about supporting Mireille in reaching her goal — no matter how far she may end up from home.
“Mothers are really the biggest influencers in most families, so it’s a culturally appropriate and affirming way of doing our work,” said Dr. Johanna Moya Fabregas, Con Mi Madre’s executive director.
Con Mi Madre’s programs start in the sixth grade, with workshops for girls and their mothers on finances and emotions. Over time, they learn the college application process, take college tours and participate in peer support groups — even after daughters leave for college. The idea is to work toward an understanding that it’s OK to let their daughters be independent and pursue a higher education.
“It’s that exposure from sixth grade all the way through high school that makes our parents feel a different level of comfort that maybe they wouldn’t have experienced had they not enrolled in a program like this,” Polanco said.
The guilt caused by ‘familismo’
Familismo, or the Latino concept of connectedness to home and family, can be positive in terms of having a loyal and dedicated support system. However, young Latinas say it can also be draining when it causes families conflict, stress and fear of disappointing one another.
In recent years, Latina-led podcasts, like This Latina Needs Therapy Too and Unbreakable Latina, have popped up to dissect familismo and teach others it’s OK to break these norms and pursue an education. Meanwhile, organizations like Latino U College Access and Latinas First Foundation, specifically for Latina first-generation students in Colorado, let Latinas know they deserve to pursue a degree.
Camila Milanes, a 24-year-old Latina who graduated from San Diego State University, says she still feels guilty for living the life she knows her family couldn’t.
“Family is everything in Latino culture, and the idea of leaving home for my own aspirations was hard for my family to understand,” Milanes said. “The guilt came from knowing that they had sacrificed so much for me to even get here, and now I was going to take on even more of a financial burden by leaving.”
Milanes said if organizations like Con Mi Madre had existed in California when she was applying to school, it would have eased the uncertainty she and her family felt during the application process.
Her advice to other Latinas is not to let others take control of your life. “No matter how hard it gets, an education is something you will never regret,” Milanes said. “The sacrifices you make today will build a better tomorrow for everyone.”
Including mothers in the college process
A child leaving for college can be hard for parents of any culture. To better prepare mothers for “empty nest syndrome,” or the grief parents may feel when their children move out of the home, Con Mi Madre hosts bilingual panels with mothers and daughters who have been through the program to share their challenges and triumphs.
“It’s very inspiring hearing those stories because I know every mom just took it differently — some were ready for it and some weren’t,” Veridiana said. “With that learning experience, I feel like I am going to be ready when it comes.”
Over their years in the program, mothers build a network so they can be there for one another when their daughters move out. The group even plans outings like soccer games and concerts.
Polanco, who creates much of the programming, said the organization tries to meet mothers at every stage.
“That sense of community is a great way for parents to give each other advice, guide each other, brainstorm together, collaborate and to find that support,” Polanco said. “We’ve had moms who have connected and become best friends with each other.”
Fabregas says not all girls in the program end up seeking a college degree, as some may choose trade school or want to save money before attending school. They hope that whatever path the young woman takes, she’s raising expectations for the Latina community.
“People might go in one direction and then decide, ‘I want to be an entrepreneur,’ and then say two years later, ‘Well, now I want to go to school,’” Fabregas said. “We’re there to support their choices along the way.”
Four years before she writes her college essays, fills out financial aid forms and commits to a college, Mireille already feels prepared for the process. And her mother is ready to support her too.
“I didn’t have much support growing up,” Veridiana said. “We’re ready to give that to our daughter and support her in everything. I want her to know I’ll be here for her through it all.”
